The full guide, in reading order. Start at the top, or jump to whatever you need right now.
A very short and clear summary of what you should and should not do immediately after being dumped. If your partner just broke up with you in the last hours or day and you’re in shock, read this section first.
3 min read
All about this site, who it's for, and how you can use it.
10 min read
It's not "just in your mind". The pain you feel from being rejected is a traumatic event as strong as any physical pain and activates some of the same areas of the brain. Understand the physical effects of what happens to all of us when we are rejected.
7 min read
How much time will it take until you recover from the breakup?
2 min read
Contact with your ex- is like cutting an open wound over and over again. Any contact at all, any reminders, makes healing harder. No contact is by far the most important step, and also the most difficult. Learn why to do it and how.
11 min read
How do you actually begin a no contact policy with your ex-? When should you start it?
5 min read
Everyone wants closure after a breakup. Why did it happen? Why? Why, why, why? But closure is not important for your healing. Understand why it doesn't matter… and how to do it right, if you still feel it's necessary.
It's obvious, but it's so hard to do: you have to get rid of anything and everything that reminds you of your ex-. Anything which triggers memories of your ex- is harmful to you. Here's why… and several ideas of how to get rid of everything.
You shouldn't contact your ex-. But what if your ex- contacts you? How do you interpret what the ex- says and does? How do you respond?
6 min read
It's a difficult and stressful situation to bump into the ex- when you're still recovering from the breakup, so it's worth thinking about in advance. Here are ideas and suggestions of how to handle it.
1 min read
What do you do when your ex- has a big life event like a birthday, job promotion, or graduation? Acknowledge it? How? Ignore it? It's a tricky situation which causes never-ending stress for many people following a breakup. Learn here how to handle it.
Your ex- will be with a new person someday. Maybe sooner, maybe later, but it will happen (or already has). And you're going to have to accept that. Coping with this is hard while you're recovering. Here are suggestions of how to handle it.
I know from deeply painful personal experience that getting back together with your ex- seems the only hope for life. The odds are very low. Here's why… and what characterizes cases where the couple really does get back together.
It's obvious, but you shouldn't spend a lot of time alone. Get a team of people you can rely on: friends, family, posters on internet forums. Here are strategies for how to use your support network effectively without damaging your relationship with them.
You need to make a real mental effort to focus on YOU and YOUR future, not to obsess about your ex- and the past. It's hard. Very hard. There's no easy switch to flip and instantly change your thinking. But there are things you can do. Learn how.
4 min read
The ex- is "the one" for you. You'll never find anyone else. You're doomed to die alone. Sigh… But on the other hand, everyone repeating to you "big ocean, lots of fish" doesn't help. So here are realistic ways to look at this issue.
The desire to hurt the person who hurt you is overwhelming. That's natural. And if there was betrayal as well… trust me, my mental revenge scenarios were detailed and gory. Here's what to do about it.
It's natural that you want to dull the pain and try to escape. A magic pill to make it all go away would be great. But it's not going to help and usually just makes things worse. Understand what the problems are… and when it does make sense to use it.
Your body goes through extreme physical duress following a divorce or breakup: sleep issues, stress hormones, food problems, lethargy, anxiety, and more. Ignoring these issues will only worsen your suffering. Above anything else, you need to focus on your health. Here's how.
After a break-up, everyone experiences a massive void. It's not just a hole in your heart… it's also literally a hole in your schedule: you have a huge amount of extra free time. Wallowing in your misery only prolongs your recovery. Here are ideas for activities that will help.
Casual sex, casual dating, rebound relationships: there's lots of debate about how helpful it can be to your recovery. It all depends on YOU and what's best for YOU. Here are many pros and cons to help you think through the issue.
As much as it hurts, you have to force yourself to make your language reflect the reality of the present… even when just talking to yourself. This person is no longer your significant other. They are your ex-. And your relationship no longer is, it was. Learn how your language reflects your thinking and learn how to change it.
A dumpee is in an incredibly vulnerable state and would pay anything for a "guaranteed solution" to end the pain and/or get the ex- back. Thousands of internet guides take advantage and offer paid-for plans and strategies. Learn what they are and why you shouldn't waste your money.
After a breakup, it's easy to feel that no one has ever suffered the way you are suffering. But the experience is far more common than it feels, and understanding that is part of the healing.
