It's easy to feel completely alone after you've suffered a breakup. The emotions, the rejection, the pain... it all combines to make it feel like no one in the world can understand you because no one has ever suffered like you're suffering.
But you're not alone. Many others are suffering right now and have come to this site seeking help just as you have. Real people with real breakup problems.
We all feel an incredible sense of loneliness after being rejected, and we all end up thinking that we're the only ones who are suffering like this. In the years of this site, I've received hundreds of messages from people who believe that the pain they feel after a breakup is unique to them: abnormal, bizarre, a sign of weakness. And unfortunately, that thinking leads to a negative spiral of self-doubt and further sadness, worsening their pain and further delaying their eventual recovery.
I've found that the best cure is simply to understand that your pain and your feelings are normal: it's a physical reaction which affects us all similarly. Of course the circumstances of the breakup matter and there are indeed differences between individuals, but the fundamental effects are very universal: our brains and our hormones all affect us in similar ways after a romantic rejection, and we all have similar pain.
That's the message of every page of this guide. And based on letters from many readers, I know that it definitely helps to understand this.
But I also know that even after reading all the evidence, it's still hard to truly believe it.
Of course, intellectually you know that others have suffered in similar ways and you know you're not alone. In your own life, you personally know people who've suffered from breakups. With a few clicks, you can find posts on dozens of internet forums from people who have written their stories.
But I know from the web use stats that the people who share their stories publicly represent a tiny fraction of all visitors. Most people are tired, busy, don't want to share their story, don't want to bother, and I very much understand that it's extremely hard to make the effort to write to someone when you're feeling so down. Each month there are hundreds of people who read through the entire site several times a week from the first page to the last but never share their stories.
Some of these people have contacted me months after they've healed. Many have said they just couldn't write at the time, but that reading other people's stories, particularly ones they could directly relate to, definitely helped them feel less alone.
The worries that bring people here tend to fall into very similar areas:
- disbelief at the severity of breakup pain
- desire to understand how long the breakup pain lasts and how to make it end sooner
- extreme sadness and loneliness
- self-doubt
- obsession about the ex-
- intense pain, jealousy, and shattered self-confidence in cases of cheating
- questions about no contact
- countless difficulties in maintaining no contact
- desperate longing for reconciliation
- questions about how to interpret and react to communication from the ex- after the breakup
- revenge fantasies against the ex-
It's very noticeable that the themes are very similar across all countries and regions; the pain of romantic rejection truly is universal.
You really aren't alone.